Idle Scrolls
by AmaranthxEve
Summary: Slightly AU! Sam and Gabriel have had an established relationship for quite sometime, but something strange starts occurring and Gabriel starts to forget little things at first. What lengths will Sam go to to make sure that his angel remembers? Sabriel! Rated M to be safe and for later chapters.
1. Hope Ends

**Rating**: M (for later chapters)

**Pairing**: Sabriel

**Universe**: Slightly AU, trying to stick with most of the Supernatural events though.

**A/N**: Welp, I've had the plot bunnies eating away at me for quite some time now, and I figured that I needed to get something written out. Let's see if anyone can guess which movie this is slightly being based off of.

Reviews make me happy and make me write more!

**DISCLAIMER:**I'm only doing this once, because it's useless on every chapter… because I'm already saying that I do not own Supernatural in any way shape or form, nor do I own that this fiction is based off of. I make no money off of this; it is strictly for entertainment purposes only. Thank you.

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**Chapter One: Hope Ends**

"Gabriel, you have a visitor. It's time for your weekly story." A tender female voice spoke behind him. His honey brown eyes instantly shifted from their scanning of the garden to glance behind him at the red headed female. His brow furrowed slightly in confusion. Wasn't it Wednesday? He turned to face her, his lips pursing as he shook his head.

"I'm not feeling well today. Perhaps he can come back tomorrow?" He asked softly, he found his own voice foreign. Then again, everything seemed so alien to him now a days. The nurse, whose name he believed was Anna, shook her head slightly.

"I'm sorry, but it is Thursday. He comes every week to read to you. Come on, honey." She stated as she stepped forward, gently placing her hand on the male's shoulder. "I'm sure you'll enjoy it." Gabriel sighed quietly in defeat. She did know what was best, right? He allowed her to lead him to the small nook that he'd become so fond of. The large window had a wonderful view of the garden, so beautiful this time of year. Spring he believed it was, he couldn't quite recall, his days were starting to meld together. She sat him down at the small table near the window where a man was sitting, waiting for him.

That tender and inviting smile had him smiling back. Who was this? He sat down across from him, finding himself admiring the beauty of this man. His long hair hung near his shoulders, faint stubble lined his fine jaw. He finally brought his eyes to meet the others. Such a stunning shade of hazel, he could get lost in those he found himself thinking. The man nodded lightly to Anna and she nodded back before leaving him alone. Gabriel shifted slightly in his seat, suddenly feeling uncomfortable underneath those hazel eyes.

"Gabriel, do you remember me?" His voice was smooth, soothing and gentle. How could someone be so… perfect? He tilted his head slightly; a few strands of light brown hair fell down to frame his face slightly. Did he know him? He sat there staring at the man for some time, trying to match a name he knew to the beautiful face in front of him. Sean..? Stark…? It started with an S… he knew that much. He bit his lower lip in thought, his brow furrowing lightly in frustration. S….S… SAM! That was it.. his name was Sam!

"Sam, of course," his mood instantly lifted and a happy grin replaced the confusion. Sam seemed to relax slightly, offering a tender smile as he leaned back in his chair, propping his feet up on another, using it as a foot rest. "Silly, how could I forget you? You tell the most brilliant stories!" Gabriel chirped happily, slightly bouncing in his seat.

Sam tried not to flinch, tried to not let the pain touch his gaze. Gabriel… His Gabriel… so scattered now. It pained him to know that he couldn't fix this, that this was how it was supposed to be. He took in a calming breath and forced a hallow laugh. Gabriel didn't seem to notice the force that it took, because his grin only widened.

"Do you remember where we left off?" Sam asked softly, pulling a small book out of his jacket's pocket and opening it to an already bookmarked page. Gabriel seemed to go back into that confused state, his brow furrowing and his gaze turning glassy and distant as he attempted to remember. Attempted to figure out what was going on. He watched as the man shifted, his hands moving to his lap to tug gently at the faded blue jeans. His honey brown eyes moving to watch himself as he tried to find out the answer to the simplistic question.

"They… They were at some… Mystery Spot..? I think that was it… the scientific marvel or something like that?" Gabriel offered, looking back up at Sam hopefully. Sam's gaze shifted to his page and he smiled softly, nodding and watching as Gabriel seemed to bounce back to life, much like the old Gabriel had. He took in a tender breath as he kept his gaze on the page. He remembered it as if it were only yesterday, instead of several, several years ago. The moment they first met… the beauty of the moment and how hard he'd fought.

Never in a million years had he expected things to turn out how they had. Like this. Sitting in the visiting area of a hospital, of the psychiatric ward. He shifted slightly. He never wanted this to happen, and he had been hell bent on preventing it. The things he would have done differently.

"Yeah Mystery Spot," Sam said softly, shifting his gaze to Gabriel who was watching him with expecting eyes.

"Well then, come on you moose! Read it to me! I want to know what this… Damien went through," Gabriel said happily. Sam had changed the story, specifically names; he'd hoped that every week, he could find a way to reach him; A way to reach _his_ Gabriel; not this broken little thing that couldn't even remember what day it was.

Sam took a calming breath as he returned his gaze to the page and began reading.

* * *

**A/N**: I know it's short, but I mean, come on! This is how the chapters are going to go I've realized. Every other chapter will be building up to Sam reading to Gabriel, and the ones between are going to be the past, what happened between them and the like~!

-sets out cookie tray- Reviewers get cookies! Let me know what you think so far and if you want to see my rendition of this with our favorite boys!


	2. The Beginnings to an End

**A/N: **Hello, Lovelies~! Thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews! I've decided to go about how this will progress differently. So, Sam reading (flashbacks) will be in italics and a page break between them so you know when they are happening, and the normal story flow will be in normal text.

Reviews make me write faster~

**Chapter** **Two:** **The Beginning to an End**

Sam took in a shaky breath. He couldn't read this. Not now… He still remembered so damn vividly how he had first met the gorgeous man sitting across from him. How could Gabriel not remember? How was it so simple to forget such a gorgeous moment? With a brush shake of his head after getting a faint pout from the honey haired man, he cleared his throat.

_ A tired hand moved to slowly wipe the sweat from his brow. Working in the construction department of the city wasn't that easy. But it was money, and he had to admit to himself that with the way his body was filling out because of the work, he couldn't really complain. Sam slowly made his way towards his truck, easily pulling the handle to let the tail gate down. It was about four thirty and damn was it smoldering outside. He uncapped his water bottle and took several large gulps from it as if it were the only thing that could take away how parched he was. From the corner of his eye he could see a figure approaching and he grinned lightly, turning his hazel gaze to meet the bright green of his best friend. _

_ "Already off?" He offered as the other man took a seat beside him, his typical grin set in place. _

_ "Hell yeah, Sammy," Dean was shorter than he was, but far more built. He had to admit that his friend was rather attractive, but despite the fact that he was comfortable with his sexuality, Dean was more of a brother to him than anything. "Mystery Spot is in town again, you gonna go? Was thinin' of takin' Cas, we could find ya a good guy or somethin'" He grinned as he nudged his friends shoulder. _

_ Sam nearly sputtered at that. Leave it to Dean to try and play matchmaker. Personally, he wouldn't mind. Mystery Spot was always fun, it was a scientific carnival of sorts. Supposedly it was a collection of the best scientific marvels in the world, mostly optical illusions and such, mixed with carnival rides and food themed accordingly. The one thing he wasn't looking forward to was watching Dean make his moves on Castiel. The poor guy was so oblivious to Dean's motive it wasn't even funny. _

_ "I'll thi-," He didn't have time to get the words out before he was smacked on the back of the head with a playful clicking of his tongue in an almost reprimand. _

_ "No, Sammy, you're not gonna think about it, you're gonna go! You stay cooped up all the damn time! Work, home, Work again. Live a little!" Dean grinned as he patted Sam's shoulder playfully, earning an eye roll from the taller man. _

_ "Yeh, Sure. Don't see what bad could come from it, But dude.. if I catch you with your tongue down Cas' throat… I'll shoot myself." He said earning him a faux groan of pain from the man beside him. Dean was a wonderful guy, he'd admit that. In school he had been somewhat of a womanizer until he'd laid eyes on his current obsession. Castiel. Since then he'd admitted to being gay, and that had helped Sam come to terms with himself. _

_xXx_

_ Getting home and getting washed up was a simple task. He had a small conversation with his father, John, about heading to Mystery Spot with Dean and Cas. His father, who was less approving merely made a snide remark before heading back to his whiskey and the newspaper. Sam wouldn't allow it to phase him, couldn't allow it to phase him. He shrugged his shoulders as he showered, removing the dust and grime from the days work. Part of him was apprehensive over this whole ordeal, but it could be fun, right? _

_ After dressing appropriately, black shirt, nicer jeans, he grabbed his keys off of the counter, shouting to his father that he was heading out. It was a short ten minute drive to the grounds where Mystery Spot was being held and he had to park a distance away. He let out a soft sigh as he got out, meeting Dean and Cas at the front gate. He had to resist a laugh. Dean was in his usual light flannel and tight undershirt and jeans combo, but Cas… Cas in his 'holy tax accountant' attire was still too damn hilarious. He wore that everywhere, even in school. _

_ He waved to get their attention, Dean's arm wrapped around his waist, muttering something into his ear. The pink tint that was dusting over the brunette's cheeks was almost comical, almost. He grinned when Dean gave his shoulder a playful punch. _

"_There's the pansy!" He chimed teasingly, earning a rough hit to the ribs by his date, and blue eyes narrowed in a way that shouted 'Don't speak like that'. It was adorable how much they were complete opposites of each other. Sam shifted slightly and headed into the line with them, getting their tickets. _

_They roamed around a bit, playing the game idly. He had to turn his head and cough several times to make Dean stop in his sudden obscene gestures towards Castiel. It was adorable, but the third wheel feeling wasn't anything pleasant. He took in a calming breath as Castiel stated that he'd seen one of his friends and watched as he padded off into the crowd. _

_ "You two seem happy." Sam had to observe as he was left to walk around with his friend. Dean just shrugged as they first walked to the food counter, Dean getting his usual apple pie. He wondered how someone with such an unhealthy diet could look as good as he did. He shrugged off the thought. _

_ "OH! Cas is going on the bumper cars! I've gotta fuckin' see this!" Dean shouted above the noise, and Sam merely nodded, following his friend as he danced through the crowd, all the while stuffing his face with his pie. Always a marvel. _

_ Once they had reached there, they leaned against the protective railing around the arena. Dean was waving happily at Cas. But something caught Sam's eye, a flash of gold. His eyes instantly went searching for that sudden beauty that crossed his vision. And suddenly his eyes met that object, well, more so man. He blinked as his eyes came in contact with what he could only describe as the most gorgeous thing in the entire world. Honey colored locks were tossed about as laughs and insults spilled from plush lips. Almost gold eyes met his and a playful glimmer was sparked. The man rammed his bumper car into Castiel's casing Cas to let out something akin to a shocked yelp at the impact. He couldn't tear his eyes away. _

_ Soon enough the round was over and they were exiting, the honey haired man playfully shoving Castiel's shoulder as they exchanged teasing words. Sam wasn't able to register the hand shaking his shoulder until he was softly slapped on the cheek. _

_ "Dude! The hell? You've been ogling Gabriel for like, the entire time! Why don't you go say Hi?" Dean teased once he'd finally gotten his friends attention. Sam rolled his eyes, giving Dean a playful jab in the ribs. He shook his head sighing faintly. Through a moment of mindless boldness he walked over to the two, ignoring the borderline possessive arm from someone he didn't recognize, and he didn't care at this point. _

_ He stopped short, several feet away from the golden eyed male. Gabriel tilted his head slightly, playful smile gracing his lips. _

_ "Will you go out with me?" The words spilled from Sam's lips before he could catch them. A sudden silence settled over the group, including Castiel who instantly became tense. _

_ "Pardon?" Gabriel said, his head cocking to the side and a brow rising in playful abandon, despite the possessive tug from the man he was currently with. _

_ "I… I just couldn't help but notice… how gorgeous you looked… and I want to go out with you." Sam tried to clarify. His ears were ringing, and the whole world around him seemed to haze out as he locked eyes with this man. He was short, much shorter than he was, but damn… he looked good. Slightly baggy pale green shirt giving his slightly tanned skin a dull glow; the shirt complemented his hair and eyes, causing the color to be so gloriously gold that the man could be considered angelic. What covered the shirt was a leather jacket, expensive from the looks of it, authentic leather. His eyes trailed down to the tight fitting jeans, tight in all of the proper places but leaving so much to the imagination. _

_ "Sorry, big boy. I'm here with someone else." Despite the words, the playful look in his eyes never faltered as he moved his arms to wrap around the man that was holding him. He grinned as he was lead off, and all Sam could do was just stare. _

_ "Sam? Sammy? Hey! Dude! Damn, Cas, I think he'd petrified!" _

_ He could hear the words but he couldn't stop watching the man walk away, his hips swaying in an almost obscene manner, as if he wanted him to stare after him. He had to have him. He decided. He had to. Without so much as a word to Cas or to Dean he was following them. His gaze flicking between them and the Ferris Wheel, their destination. He watched as they climbed on, Gabriel happily laughing and possibly tossing some sarcastically playful remarks around. He tried to jog up to catch them before they took off, but soon enough the wheel was moving and the distance between them. Fuck! He couldn't even fathom why the distance was making his chest clench, it just was. _

_ He rushed up almost instantly, paying an apology to his friend working the ride. With all of the strength he'd gathered from working in the sun and his own personal regime he'd been on, he pulled himself onto the non moving metal. He heaved a light groan as he managed to maneuver himself onto the pole right in front of the box Gabriel and his boyfriend were sitting in. To his astonishment, Gabriel actually seemed shocked and slightly scared as the wheel came to a stop. _

_ "I'll ask again. Will you go out with me?" Sam heaved, keeping all of his strength in his wrists to keep from falling. If he didn't look down, he was alright. _

_ Gabriel blinked, all prior cocky and playful attitude seeming to vanish as he started at him wide eyed. Was he serious? _

_ "I… You're going to get yourself killed you moose!" Gabriel shouted, ignoring the snide remarks from the man beside him. "Damn it, If I say yes will you get down to safety?" _

_ Sam smirked, he hadn't even had to let go before Gabriel was willing to take him. With a slow nod he shifted himself before grinning. "Say it." _

_ "Say what?"_

_ "Say you want to go out with me." _

_ "What? No! That's crazy! Just, get down!" _

_ "So.. you won't?" With that being said, he allowed one of his arms to slip, his entire weight hanging on that one arm still gripping the pole. He felt his fingers slightly slip due to the sweat starting to pool there. _

_ "GAH! You frikkin' idiot! I'll go out with you!" _

_ "What? I didn't hear that. What do you want to do?" Sam grinned out. _

_ "I wanna go out with you!" _

_ "Ngh.. I think I'm slipping.." He swayed slightly as if to emphasize the already proven point that his fingers had slackened their grip. Gabriel's eyes widened even further, a look of pure fear and exasperation in his expression. _

_ "I WANNA GO OUT WITH YOU!" He shouted. Sam grinned as he lifted the arm dangling at his side to reaffirm his grip on the bar above him. _

_ "Alright, Alright. We'll go out." He said cheekily, earning an exasperated grunt from the man before him. Gabriel then smirked as he reached out, unbuttoning and unzipping Sam's pants before tugging them down slightly with a mischievous grin. _

_ "Not so cocky now are you?" At that moment, Sam was actually glad he'd decided to wear boxers that night. _

**A/N: **Muwahaha.. xD Yeah, I left it there. :3 Lemme know what you all think of it! I'm so excited for this! My muse loves your reviews! OH! I'm also going to be making this interactive later, so set this story to alert you of chapter updates and wait for the chapter called 'Your Choice!' You will decide where this story goes! :D

-sets out brownies-

You get brownies this time for reviews!


	3. Lucid Dreams

**A/N**: Well it's no surprise what this is based off of, and the one who guessed it: Alley of the Labyrinth; She gets to choose a special thing she wishes to see. :D I'll have games like this all the time throughout this story. :D

NEW GAME: First one to guess the name and the artist to the song lyric at the beginning gets to choose something they want to see and get a chapter dedicated to them as well!

Reviews make me write more~!

Oh! P.S: I'll probably be sharing the play-list that I listen to while writing this here soon!

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**Chapter 3:** **Lucid Dreams**

"_**I will fight for one last breath, I will fight until the end; and I will find the enemy within, cause I can feel it crawl beneath my skin."**_

Sam shakily closed the journal, forcing a smile to grace his lips as he turned his head to look at the awe struck eyes of the man across the table. His jaw was slightly slack; honey gold eyes widened to a point that made Sam's smile brighten just the slightest. He tilted his head.

"That's all the time we have today." He said soothingly. That statement earned a light huff of disapproval from the other, so much like he used to do before… so much like the old Gabriel.

Gabriel let out a faint sigh, leaning back in his chair. He hadn't realized that he'd moved forward to better hear the story. He was on the edge of his seat! He hadn't thought that Patrick would agree to go out with the daring yet enchanting Simon. He smiled lightly at the thought. He found that he really did enjoy love stories; at least he hoped that's what this one was. It had the making of it, after all.

"But I wanna know what happens next! Does Patrick completely blow Simon off? Or do they go out? Is this a love story?" All of the questions spilled out at once as Anna re-entered the room, tender smile ever present.

"It's time for him to go, Gabe." She stated softly, using the nickname that Sam had become so accustomed to using, but now he had to settle for the formal Gabriel. Sam's brow furrowed slightly in frustration at that, hazel eyes flashing with something akin to possessiveness at the red-headed nurse. Anna offered an apologetic smile as Gabriel stood. The man sighed quietly.

"Do I have to wait another week, or can he come back sooner?" he asked her, his tone giving way to a light hint of hope, and for a moment, Sam's breath hitched. Gabriel wanted to see him more often; he wanted to have more contact. He had to swallow the lump building in his throat, the sudden dryness of his mouth becoming unbearable.

"It'll be up to Mr. Winchester." She said peacefully as she placed a hand tenderly on Gabriel's shoulder. The man looked over at Sam with those glimmering golden eyes, and Sam could have sworn that his heart had stopped then and there, his breath catching in his throat once more. He looked just like he used to, curious, hopeful, happy even.

"Would that be alright, Sambo?" He grinned. Sam nearly stumbled as he stood and straightened himself. Sambo. _Sambo._ The name that used to get under his skin so frequently now sounded delightful as it hit his ears. It took everything in him not to break down, not to fall to his knees and beg for Gabe to remember him. Remember _them_.

"'Course, I'll come see you in a couple days. Does that sound reasonable?" He asked with a small quirk of a smile, his control was already slipping as he felt the light sting in his eyes. Gabriel's brow furrowed and for a moment, Sam thought he saw a glimmer of remembrance. He took in a shaky breath as he waited the response.

"I…" A long pause followed and those bright eyes turned haunted, almost scared. "Sammy..?"

Sam swallowed. Hard. _Sammy._ It had been three years since he was last addressed as that by him. So simple it seemed now, and yet he felt his chest clench in guilt and pain. Was he remembering or was it just residual behavior? He forced himself to answer.

"Yeah?" He took in a shallow breath as those eyes seemed even more scared than before, and the man moved from Anna's hold, arms wrapping around his taller frame as his face was buried into his chest. Sam had to force himself from completely embracing the man, he didn't understand. This never happened. In the three years that he'd continued coming to visit him, Gabriel never showed any sign of improvement. Never showed any sign that he remotely remembered the same story being read to him over and over again.

"Sammy… I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry.." He whispered, his broken voice muffled against the fabric of his shirt. Sam took in a quaking breath. Did he remember? It was tearing him apart to see this, to _feel_ this.

"Gabriel…. Gabe… There's no reason to be sorry… It's alright… I'm here… I'm here.." He whispered softly, moving a hand to soothingly rub the other's back. Though, just as quickly as the moment of clarity had come, he was being shoved back with a frightened yelp. Haunted golden orbs being replaced by confused and frightened pools.

"What the hell? Who are you? Anna, What is he doing here!" His tone was panicked almost and Anna quickly moved over to place her hands tenderly on his shoulders.

"Gabriel, that's Sam. Remember? The man who comes to read to you every week, Sam, you do remember Sam right?" She asked softly as she removed one of her hands to signal for one of the nurses to call for the doctor. She raised her gaze to Sam, a soft understanding tenderness in her eyes.

"I think you should go." She whispered softly. Sam could only nod stiffly as he tried to keep himself composed. Keep himself from breaking. That hand that was clenching his insides was relentless. He quickly made his way out of the ward, and then out of the building, his strides long and quick. The moment his car door slammed he couldn't hold it in any longer. Tears cascaded down his cheeks and he slammed his head back against the head-rest of his truck. The same truck he'd kept for all these years.

More sobs spilled from him, tears cascading down his cheeks. How many more times would he have to do this? How long? How much longer until he had his beautiful angel back? He made no move to stop his breakdown, his eyes sliding shut as he cried. His hand clenched tightly around his journal, the only thing he had left of the man he loved. The only thing that still rang true in this screwed up reality that he had to face.

Three years now, Three painful years, and it never got easier. Each and every time he saw him it ended like this, him reading for a good hour or so before succumbing to the pain he'd been harboring. Most times he made it back home… back to their house before he broke. Other times he sat, just as he was now, in the parking lot, sobbing softly as he tried to alleviate some of the pressure building within him.

What was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to handle this? Another wrecked sob escaped him. Gabriel, the man of his dreams, the man he had married, had no idea who he was. No idea. He shook his head slowly, taking in another shattered breath. What was he supposed to do? He moved his other hand to slowly start wiping the tears sliding down his cheeks. He was surprised that there weren't permanent trails going down his skin from how often this happened.

It happened at home… in that empty house. Filled with the scent of sweets; cookies, candy… cake.. Gabriel loved sweets… adored cooking and baking almost as much as he enjoyed walking by the lake, or painting on the balcony. He shook his head, trying to escape the memories, trying to escape the horror they now brought. It was supposed to be happy… they were supposed to be happy. Perfect.

He was snapped, thankfully, from his thoughts as his cell started ringing. He took in a shaky breath, trying to compose himself as he fished it out of his jacket pocket, looking down at the caller Id.

_Dean_ read clearly in the neon lighting. He took in another breath before answering, placing the device up to his ear.

"Hey…" He sounded horrid, he found. And the pause on the other side of the line told him that it wasn't overlooked by his friend either.

"_You went to see him, didn't you?"_ Dean asked quietly, a muffled voice on the in the background sounded like Cas. Sam shook his head lightly at that. Dean and Castiel had worked out perfectly, why didn't his? It wasn't fair! Fuck! It wasn't fair! He slammed his hand against the steering wheel.

"_Hey, Hey! Dude… relax… it's gonna be okay. These things can reverse themselves. It's only been three years… Who knows, right? Why don't you come over and we can crack open a beer or some, shit like that?_" He knew Dean was trying to be helpful, and frankly, he didn't want to go home, couldn't go home. With a light sigh he responded.

"Yeah… You're right… I'll be over shortly.. .and.. Dean. Could you do me a favor and send Cas over to Michael's? I don't think I can handle that just yet." After a short conversation regarding the subject, Dean agreed and hung up. Sam took a few soft breaths before fishing his keys out of his pocket and starting his truck, pulling out of the parking lot and heading to his friends.

xXx

He sat in the parking lot two days later, eyes scanning over his journal idly. Was it right to go in? Should he this soon? He let out a shuddered breath before pocketing his keys, and his journal and locking his car as he strode down the lawn. He was surprised to see Gabriel outside, even more shocked at the happy smile he got as he walked up to where he and Anna were sitting. In a gazebo near the water.

"Sam! I can't wait to hear more about Patrick and Simon!"

It took everything not to run back to his car, Everything not to break at that moment. He had to shut himself off, like every other time, He had to.

* * *

**A/N:** I know! The angst! I actually cried writing this chapter… but.. here it is! Trust me, all of you, it will get better! It may be structured after 'The Notebook' But it is far from being as sad! It won't follow it completely, even if it seems like it is. Keep hope!

-sets out candy-

….Candy for reviews..? -sniffles-


	4. Remember Me

**A/N:** Gah… It's taken me forever to write this… sorry for the late update and not updating as soon as I normally did… I'm starting to get really attached to this in a way that astounds me. As a writer I generally distance myself from my work in order to not get attached. But… Welp… It's Sabriel, what can I say?

Side note: Updates might be slow… I'm moving and getting my life back on track, but to be honest, right now I am the happiest I have been in a long time… Anyhow… enough with my personal stuff. :3

Enjoy~!

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**Chapter 4:** **Remember Me**

The idle chatter that sprung from nowhere shocked Sam. The way Gabriel seemed to be more himself in the open air, honey eyes gleaming with playful delight, lollipop being brandished almost mischievously as he swore at the teasing jokes that were being tossed back and forth. More than ever he wanted to hold the other, caress his cheek and press his lips against those soft ones he longed to lose himself in.

"Hey! Sambo! You're staring at me again! What am I, a slab of meat?" A fine brow quirked up in mock curiosity that was displaced by the grin and the playful glint in his eyes; Sam rolled his eyes playfully back as he fished his journal out.

"Shall we continue?" He smiled, and watched at that playful air turned into one of joy as Gabriel happily nodded.

"Of course! Did they end up hooking up or what?" Sam laughed softly at the eagerness in his tone, a brisk shake of his head and he settled back down, taking in a soft breath as he opened the journal to its book marked page.

* * *

_It had been exactly two weeks since he'd met that man at Mystery Spot and he hadn't heard a word from him. He was starting to get anxious, almost rejected even. Though Dean assured him that Castiel was working his magic on making the date more confirmed, more of a double date sort of thing so he would actually go. _

"_You're acting like such a girl dude. Lighten up! Let him come to you!" Dean teased as he hauled another piece of lumber into the back of the waste truck. Sam rolled his eyes, swatting the back of his head playfully. _

"_Dude, I'm not being a girl," a roll of the eyes "Did Cas tell you anything about him?" He was sure the anxiety was seeping into his tone. He had to admit he was acting like a giddy school girl ever since he'd laid eyes on the golden angel. Dean gave him a long look, as if sizing him up and Sam couldn't help but squirm underneath that gaze. _

"_Well, his name is Gabriel…from a rather rich and pompous family, the possessive freak that he was with was some guy, Adam I think." His friend responded with a light shrug. To him Gabriel did seem slightly out Sam's league, but the way Sam had been eyeing him, shit he didn't want to get in the way of that. _

"_Gabriel…"Sam repeated the name, allowing it to roll off of his tongue. It was a gorgeous name for such a gorgeous man. Sure, it was the name of an Archangel, but, damn was it fitting. He'd been calling him the golden angel since that night, least to himself. The name was perfect. He smiled lightly at that before he was smacked on the shoulder, being pulled from his revere. _

"_Dude, Don't do that… creepin' the shit outta me." Dean muttered as they headed back towards the building they were working on, dusting hands on jeans almost in unison. Sam had to laugh at that. The only thoughts that stuck with him through the work day was Gabriel. Damn, how perfect was that? He couldn't stop smiling as he and Dean finished their shifts, settling on the back of Sam's truck. _

"_Just talked to Cas durin' break. Says that Gabriel's agreed to come to a movie. He don' know you're goin' though. So it'll be your chance to woo him!" his tone was cocky and arrogant, the typical son of a bitch attitude made Sam roll his eyes. Of course. _

"_So you're saying that I have to woo him? What if I'm just too damn good and don't have to? What if he takes one more look at me and swoons?" Sam teased, nudging his friend happily. They both shared a throaty laugh before deciding they needed to part ways for the evening to prepare for the double 'date'. _

_The drive home was almost agonizing, his thoughts a constant race of what could possibly happen when they got to the theater, so many things. He wouldn't make a move though, unlike Dean, he was classier than that. Least he'd like to believe that his dead-beat father had raised him right. He pulled up to his house, letting out a sigh as he shut off the engine, pocketing his keys as he got out. His father was sitting on the deck, and he sighed as he stepped forward. _

"_Dad?" John slowly looked up from the book in his hands, leather bound with the golden title 'Holy Bible' etched into the front. Figured the hypocrite was reading that._

"_Going out again?" was the rough reply, to which Sam merely nodded as he headed in the house. Albeit his father was a dick most the time, he couldn't be too angry with him, no. He couldn't. He was his father and he did raise him with proper hard working values. More Dean could say being raised by his ass-wad of a father. The constant beatings, the shouting, the near rape; His father had been in prison ever since. He kind of felt sorry for the guy. _

_Slowly stripping out of his clothing he showered. Once he was sure he was clean and the sweat and grime had been sufficiently scrubbed from his body he turned the water off, grabbing a towel off of the rack and wrapping it around his waist. He sighed softly, running a hand through his damp hair as he walked back into his room. What was he supposed to wear? His brow furrowed lightly at that. He wasn't used to dates; he never really attracted as many men as Dean did. Hell, He hadn't been out on a date since freshman year in High School. _

_Deciding on a plain white t shirt and a pair of black nice jeans that fit snug against his already too lithe form; he grabbed the jacket from the hook on the back of his door and slid it on as he gabbed his keys. He checked the time as he walked down the stairs. He had just enough time to rush out and make it to the theater on time. With that he hurried out. _

_xXx_

_It didn't take him long to get there, nor to recognize the dazzling Gabriel standing nervously outside the theater. Cas probably made it sound like a blind date. How adorable. He had to admire from afar the way the other was tapping his foot lightly in an almost impatient fashion, the way the tight blue jeans fit in all the perfect ways, accentuating that plush- he was going to cut that thought off right there. His eyes continued to travel, seeing as the pale blue shirt clung to reveal a rather muscular body beneath the fabric. His hand twitched slightly. Even with the distance he just wanted to reach out and touch it._

* * *

"Is this going to turn out to be some horribly written porn? Simon's sounding like a horny teenager" Gabriel interrupted with a light huff, obvious disappointment in his voice. Sam could only laugh.

"Gabriel, Simon is a horny teenager." He said matter – of – factly. Gabriel merely rolled his eyes, slouching in his chair slightly.

"Well, I do have to agree with him, Patrick sounds delicious!" he quipped and Sam had to force himself to breath.

"Lets continue, shall we?"

* * *

_The simplistic way the leather jacket he wore accented his attire to perfection made Sam believe that the man standing there was a work of art. He gathered his wits about himself as he slowly approached the other. _

"_I never got to properly introduce myself," Sam said meekly, watching in amusement as Gabriel turned his head, eyes widening slightly in mild shock before narrowing in frustration. _

"_Remind me to smack little Cassie later for this…" he muttered, shaking his head. It was obvious that he was disgruntled, and that made an uneasy feeling settle in Sam's stomach. Had he lost a battle that hadn't even started yet? What was happening? He took in a calming breath before shifting, offering his hand. _

"_The name's Samuel Winchester, though… everyone just calls me Sam." He stated politely with a light bow of the head. Gabriel blinked at the gesture and was caught off guard before smirking as he took his hand, shaking it lightly. _

"_Gabriel. Nice to meet ya, Sambo~" He snickered at the visible flinch that came from Sam. Almost as if on que, Dean strode up with a shit eating grin plastered across his face. The jerk. _

"_Welp! Cat's out of the bag, Cas~" he teased as he wrapped his arm around his trench coat clad companion who looked just as happy to be there as a cat that had been placed in a tub full of water. _

_Gabriel scoffed. "Cassie set this up, and might I say, you coulda done better!" The teasing never ceased with him did it? Sam found himself rolling his eyes as the four of them got their tickets and easily got to the theater, finding their seats and settling in. _

_Almost as soon as the room darkened and the movie started, he could hear the muffled whimpered protests and the catches of breath beside him, the tell tale sign that Dean was going to make the entire theater uncomfortable. He shifted slightly to lean over towards Gabriel who seemed as interested in the movie as a kid being forced to eat broccoli. _

"_You wanna go somewhere else? A walk maybe?" He offered softly, and much to his shock, Gabriel turned to him, nodding lightly, not seeming phased by the fact that their noses brushed just the slightest. He slowly stood and Sam followed as they exited the theater. _

"_I think Cas just wanted me around so that Dean-o wouldn't try anything. That helped a lot." The playful tone was always present and it had Sam smiling at it. Who couldn't be attracted to this man? He really was an angel, wasn't he? As they started walking, idle chatter ensued, playful jokes and shoves, hearty laughs and half attempts and homicide by playful pushes into the street. After what seemed like hours they came upon the bank of the small river than ran near the town. Gabriel let out a soft laugh. _

"_This far already..? Damn… I completely lost track of time..." He said softly, his hands sliding idly into his pockets, his thumbs curling around the waistline of his pants. Sam had to smile at this, for some rich stuck up snob, he actually found that Gabriel was rather deep. In the time that they'd been walking, he'd learned about his love for sugary treats that his parents normally denied him in order to keep him in good figure, he adored painting, a guilty pleasure he called it, and above all else, he adored poetry. That fact in itself has astonished Sam to the point where he had gone quiet for several minutes causing Gabriel to shove at him demanding that he not silently mock him. _

"_Yeah, it appears that way." He replied, shrugging his shoulders as he gazed out at the water. He loved the river, it was his favorite place to go and sit after working long hours. He'd sit and think, just allow his mind to wonder over the possibilities of life. On occasion he'd bring a book with him. He smiled lightly at the thought, keeping his gaze on the gentle current of the darkened waters, illuminated only by a small sliver of silver from the moon above. He hadn't realized that Gabriel had been taking to him until the other was right in front of him, hands on his shoulders using minimal strength to shake him. _

"_Yo! Sambo! Ya in there man?" Sam only had to blink and tilt his head down before noting the tender brush of skin against skin as his nose slid gently across the others. He could feel the warm breath against his lips, and in that moment of silence. Everything fell into place for Sam. This was the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. This man was perfection beyond his wildest imaginings. This man was God in his eyes._

_Without missing a beat, his hands were placed tenderly upon Gabriel's hips, and he watched as a small tint of pink dusted over his lightly tanned cheeks. He really was gorgeous, and the way the moonlight was hitting him, cascading through his honey brown locks, making them glisten in beautiful hues of browns and blonds; and his eyes, the glimmer in them, the moonlight hitting them so perfectly that the gold seemed magnified. He held his breath as he closed the distance, allowing his lips to caress those beneath his. _

_When no reaction was given he was tempted to pull away and his muscles tensed in the reaction to do so. Though he was stopped short by a hand cupping the back of his neck as the lips were pressed back against his; and they moved in almost perfect synchronization. Mouths pressing and pulling, massaging the other's lips with a tenderness neither of them really believed was there. Sam knew. Knew from that single kiss, from that single moment of gazing at the gorgeous man before him; that this is what he wanted his life to consist of, Gabriel. Just Gabriel._

* * *

A tear slowly slid down Sam's cheek as he finished reading, taking in a quiet breath as he allowed himself to become immersed within that memory, allowed his lips to feel those soft tender ones beneath his, allowed himself to feel the hand trailing through the hair at the back of his neck, immersed himself in the soft sounds that escaped his new found lover as he had pulled him closer that night.

He started as he felt the feather light touch brush across his cheek to catch the tear, and sorrowful golden eyes met his tortured hazel. Sam's breath caught in his throat. He could have sworn that he'd seen something there, in those eyes before Gabriel pulled away, saw some form of remembrance.

"Remember me.." He whispered softly. The other man merely tilted his head, quirking a fine brow at him in question.

"What?"

"It was a song… that I used to sing to you…" he whispered softly, and the struck look that captured Gabriel's features made him believe that he remembered.

Gabriel sat there a few moments, trying to process the man's words. Sam used to sing to him..? A son that had the line remember me? His brows knit together as he tried to think, tried to recall. Slowly he started hearing a fuzzy piano tune and a deep melodic voice mumbling lyrics that he didn't understand. Then it hit him, and his eyes widened as he stared at the man. No, not man; His Sammy. His beautiful, adoring, gorgeous, compassionate, hard-working, Samsquatch of a man; the man he loved.

_xXx_

_Sam smiled softly as his long fingers danced along the keys of the piano situated in the den of their home. He took several soft breaths, his eyes sliding shut as he waited for the keys to announce when he was allowed to vocalize the beauty he was playing. _

"_Remember, I will still be here as long as you hold me in your memory. Remember; when your dreams have ended, time can be transcended just remember me." He took a breath, smiling softly as he shifted his gaze to the Gabriel, slowly but surely starting to forget things. This was his way of trying to make an impact, trying to make something that could trigger it all back if he tried hard enough. _

"_I am the one star that keeps burning so brightly, it is the last light to fade into the rising sun. I'm with you, whenever you tell my story. For I am all I've done." Another breath, another glance. _

"_Remember, I will still be here, as long as you hold me in your memory. Remember me." _

"_I am that one voice in the cold wind that whispers and if you listen you'll hear me call across the sky, as long as I still can reach out and touch you, than I will never die." _

"_Remember, I'll never leave you, if you will only remember me. Remember, I will still be here as long as you hold me in your memory." _

"_Remember, when your dreams have ended time can be transcended I live forever." _

"_Remember me." He played out the last few notes beautifully, stopping only when he heard soft sobs coming from the doorway. Instantly alarmed he stood, only to have a hand held up to still him. _

"_Sammy, If I do forget you…play this for me… remind me that this… that you learned this… and did this for me… tell me to remember you…" Gabriel whispered quietly, so unlike his usual cocky and smiling self. This broken shell of a man was falling apart before him and Sam was powerless to stop it. All he could do was hope, and attempt to find something to make things easier. To make the world around his lover fall back into place. _

_xXx__  
_

"Sammy…. You sang that… in May… I don't remember the year…. I was forgetting things…" He whispered, eyes widening with the realization that he recalled that memory, but everything else… everything else was fuzzy and not there, blacked out moments and little pictures playing in his head like an unfinished movie. He didn't understand it.

Sam's heart skipped a beat as he watched and listened. Too afraid to move, Too afraid to breathe for fear of this clarity leaving. Though, as usual, the moment left the moment Anna crossed the grass, smiling at Gabriel who grinned back, taking her arm and waving at Sam; leaving him there still stuck on the song… stuck on the words.

* * *

**A/N**: Okay, So that I don't get sued… the Song is called "Remember me" by "Josh Groban" and It does not belong to me.

On a different note… LONGEST CHAPTER EVER! Over 3k words.. I am proud of this. Haha. Let me know what you all think!

Again… sorry for the belated update! T_T Will try and get more up. I am not abandoning this! Life is just getting in the way of my writing!

-sets out cake- It's Angel Food cake.

-grin-

Review and let me know what you think!


	5. My Never

**A/N:** Again…. Really sorry for the late update! Work got really busy and I haven't been able to write. But I will be updating weekly, possibly on Tuesdays… hah… yeah..

Thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews! They make me so happy! Lets me know that this wasn't a silly idea; Also thank you so much for your understanding with the slow updates~!

* * *

**Chapter Five: My Never**

The next several visits were so surreal. Sam could hardly believe what was happening, let alone try and piece together how. Gabriel was recalling things. Simplistic things of course, but none the less, he was remembering.

"Sambo! Remember the time we almost got caught by your dad? Hah! You were so nervous after that!"

"Hey! Samoose! Remember that one valentines that you got me a basket of nothing but lollipops?"

Though, some weren't as happy as those, no. Most in fact were more abysmal and dreary.

"Sam…. Where are all of those letters..? The ones you said you wrote…?"

"Why didn't you come back for me…? Why did I have to wait…?"

"Why were you with Ruby…? When I finally found you…. In the house we wanted… the house we dreamed of..?"

Those were the hardest to talk about, the most difficult to try and explain. How could he tell him without reading more, without trying to show him the happiness before those horrid moments in time; the moments he almost gave up?

He and Gabriel were walking by the small creek near the home, hands stuffed in pockets as yet again Sam tried to explain another moment of desperation, such as who Ruby was.

"She… She was there when I was down… when you were engaged…" He stated softly, shifting his weight as they came to a stop under a large willow. He couldn't bring himself to meet Gabriel's eyes, couldn't bring himself to see those gorgeous honey gold's look so damn somber.

"Ah," was his only reply. They remained in silence after that, for what seemed like hours, but only mere minutes had passed by. He took in a quiet breath as he finally looked over at the shorter man. Gabriel's gaze was on the water rushing down the creek, brows knit together as he tried to think. He tried memorizing the features, the stubble covering his jaw, the exhaustion evident under his eyes where they appeared sunken in. This wasn't his Gabriel anymore, no. This was someone who was trying so damn hard to be his Gabriel. But he couldn't be. His Gabe was irreplaceable. Nothing could match that spontaneous bottle of sweetness and joy that was _his_ Gabriel.

After another moment, he realized that Gabriel was speaking, words that seemed to have importance and he tried to focus.

"I want to try something."

"Huh..?"

"Sammy… I want to try something… see if I can remember…" He stated as he took a step closer. In only a few movements, Gabriel was so close, hands tenderly resting on his shoulders, eyes soft and searching as he gazed into Sam's Hazel ones. Sam bit his lower lip lightly before nodding, fighting the blush that threatened to dust his cheeks down. Gabriel hadn't been this close in such a long time, such a long damn time.

Without hesitation, Gabriel leaned up, standing on his tip toes to lightly brush his lips against Sam's. Sam's eyes instantly snapped shut, his senses on overdrive at just the light brush, so familiar, so tentative… so warm and plush. His hands moved of their own accord, resting on Gabriel's hips, pulling him closer, earning him a soft whimper from the blonde. He chanced this moment of lucidity, leaning his head slightly as he pressed back.

Time seemed to stop. All he could hear was their breath, his heart fluttering rapidly in his chest. All he could feel was the subtle and tender movement of their lips as they moved in unison to a synchronization that was already memorized. He took in a sharp breath through his nose, taking in the sweet scent of licorice and the subtle note of cologne. Everything that was Gabriel. He couldn't stop the tear that slid down his cheek as he wrapped his arms around the other, pulling them completely together.

Though with that one simple movement, that beautiful reality was shattered, and the world came crashing back as he felt his lover struggle against him, soft shouts and cries of shock escaping him as his hands beat against Sam's chest. Instantly he removed his arms, taking a step back, eyes snapping open to meet the flash of frightened gold before he had to watch as Gabriel rushed away from him.

He was left standing there, the feel of his lips still all too familiar as he brought his hand up to brush his fingertips over them. Was that real…? Had Gabriel really kissed him? Or had he himself forced it? Confusion was all that seemed to find him as he slowly stalked back towards the home. He signed out before heading to his truck, sitting in it and staring sightlessly ahead of him, replaying those sensations in his head as tears cascaded down his cheeks. He didn't weep, no… the tears were merely reminders that that wasn't reality, that wasn't what was happening.

**xXx**

When he came for his next visit, he was told that Gabriel wasn't accepting any visitors. That had been a hard blow to take. So he settled for the next best thing, asking if he could write a letter. The nurse allowed it, but warily. He smiled as he took the offered pen and paper, writing down all he needed to say before handing it back to her with a thank you. He fought to keep himself stable, struggling to maintain his composure as he drove to Dean's. He'd given up on going to his home. Too many reminders. Too much pain.

* * *

**A/N: ** I know it's rather short, and I apologize, but this is basically the build up for several things that are gonna happen. Sorry that it sucks after so much time away.

Cookies? **-Offers cookies-**

**P.S:  
**I am entering a Fanfiction contest so updates may be slow to none until I am finished. I have not given up on this story, so fret not! I promise you as soon as things let up I will be writing more.


	6. PERSONAL NOTE

Hey!

Sorry that it's been so long since I've updated.

Life got really hectic and I really haven't had time at all to sit down and write anything.

I've moved, I've lost my partner and have had to pick up multiple extra shifts and a second job just to pay rent.

There will be an update, and I'm so sorry that it's taken me so long to even get this to you guys.

I love you all, and again…

I'm so sorry!


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